relationship loss | joseph crick ma, psy

There's two types of relationship loss: Expected and Unexpected. They're both hard. On top of that, there's three other types of relationship loss: Break up, giving up, and berievement.

A Break Up almost always comes with questions, and promises. I'll never do that again. What did I do wrong? Could it have been saved? Why didn't I listen to myself? I will finally fix myself and learn how to have a healthy relationship. Should I try again to fix things?

Giving Up can feel like you're carying around a lead weight. Those dreams and hopes? Not gonna happen. That happy young couple? Naive. Give them time, they'll be just as miserable. Every relationship gets worse over time. That's simply what happens. Why try?

The pain from Berievement is almost unspeakable. It's with you in your rage at the universe. It's with you in your silence when all the words fail. It hangs around your neck, pushing you down, ravenous to pull everything out of you.

In the end: You might be depressed, you might be angry, you might feel guilty—you might be relieved. You might feel all of these! The feelings and thoughts after a relationship loss can send you flipping around like a popped baloon.

A lot of advice is designed to get you away from the hard feelings. Have a one night stand (or affair). Get smashed. Eat your feelings. Get revenge. Suck it up. Look at the bright side. It's all designed to distract you from your feelilngs.

If you've been avoiding your feelings, let me tell you something—it makes sense. Those feelings are damn hard. Here's the thing: We're not designed to go through those feelings alone. We need someone to be there for us, to be on our side. We need a place, and a time, and someone who knows how to support us through the tough stuff.