the names of grief
themes
- spousal loss
- stillbirth or infant death
- loss of sibling
In the modern world, we seldom think of names as markers on our life. We are given a name at birth. If we ever change this name, we often do so to the disapproval of society. Certain countries, such as Germany, do not allow a person to legally change their birth name. Yet, historically, people have held names associated with or influenced by the important events in their life.
In some Jewish traditions, a person's name might be changed because of a serious illness. In traditional Mongolian culture, name-changing was a common response to the loss of siblings. In Islam, the name Hajji or Hajjah is given to someone who has completed the Hajj—the annual pilgrimage to Mecca.
We retain a remnant of these naming practices in modern Western culture, when our lives have been changed by loss. We take on descriptors like:
- widow / widower
- dowager
- orphan
- vilomah
- surviving sibling
- angel mom / angel dad
These words become part of our lives, part of us. In older times, one might have referred to "The Widow Murphy". Other cultures do this as well:
- Horeh Shakhul (Hebrew: bereaved parent)
- Whānau Pani (Maori: bereaved family)
- Balo (Tagalog: one whose spouse has died)
When something significant happens in our lives, we are changed forever. Our cultures and communities acknowledge this with a name. How do you acknowledge your loss, and how does your community acknowledge it?